I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Found the puke drawer
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
