you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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