textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
