Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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