i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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