I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
