I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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