my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
