Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
