Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
