that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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