Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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