so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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