Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
