My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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