You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize