so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
