my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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