No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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