My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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