i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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