his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
