wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
