i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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