Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
