Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
