I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
