That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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