as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
