I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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