Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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