My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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