i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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