what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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