I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize