Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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