Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
