The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
