sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
