I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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