I never want to see another naked old woman again.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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