did you get engaged???
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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