Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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