guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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