Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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