I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
