I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
