chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize