i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
