Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
