so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's rum buckets o'clock
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
