life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
