I'm really into asian looking animals
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Randomize
