If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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