I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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