I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm too high and old for this...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
