tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
