I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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