It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
