I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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