dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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