Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
