its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
