chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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