That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize