I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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