Welp...herpes.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
