Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
