He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
