Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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