So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
