U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we're making bets on your personal life
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
